We all reach new levels of discomfort as we grow and expand. This is deep within our nature as human beings. On a fundamental level, we simply do not like change. It doesn't even really matter if the change is positive or negative, we simply don't like it. But how can that be? That even positive change we don't like? Some of you may even be thinking, "Well that may be some people, but that's not me." Maybe you're right but I invite you to think about this anyway, just in case a shred of what I'm saying may be true for you on some deeper level.
I have a lot of clients come to me for Coaching because they are experiencing fear of failure. Most of these clients are executives and small business owners so there is a LOT riding on them to be successful and often times employees and their families are depending on them also. This can feel like an ENORMOUS amount of pressure and while the focus may originally be on the fears of, "What if I can't do it?" "What if the stress is just too much for me to take?" or "What if I mess it all up and make things even worse!" Once we get past these initial fears, there is something even bigger lurking in the background, and that is, "My entire world and life changes if I succeed..."
Nothing changes if you fail. I ask this question to my clients all the time and everyone always has the same answer. "Nothing I guess really ever changes..." Then I like to ask what changes when they succeed? There is always a pause and a moment of consideration and then they slowly with a sense of awe say, "Everything..."
There is a lot that is weighed with that statement of "Everything..." Everything really will change when they succeed. Not only will this impact things changing within the business, but this will also have to transcend into their lives. On the deepest level, this has to change our fundamental way of thinking and how we see ourselves as well as how we now perceive the world through our new lens of success.
Ok, do you believe me now? Do you see why most people have WAY more to fear should they succeed versus if they fail?
How about you? Is any of this resonating with you?
This past January I noticed a change in me. I was having a lot of fear all of the sudden as the new year arrived. Nothing was actually wrong though which was strange...I kept looking around trying to figure out why this fear and doubt had shown up. I talked about it with my Coach as well as my best friend and husband often as it was this presence that radiated in the background, not quite revealing itself yet but effecting me nevertheless. I have done deep, DEEP, work around fear and courage for over a decade so sitting in fear this long is not my usual anymore and let me tell you, I did not like it one bit!
But, I knew there would be a message and the more I could sit with the discomfort rather than avoid it would mean I could then be able to hear the message that much sooner.
A few weeks ago I finally received the message. I was picking up tacos for dinner for my husband and myself. I hadn't really even thought much about the fear lately but as I closed my car door to walk in and get tacos, I had an intuitive flash (don't be alarmed I get these quite often) and I saw myself hanging onto a dead root of a dead tree as I dangled over a cliff into a pit that was black and bottomless. I instantly felt EXTREMELY afraid but then heard a voice say to me, "Tabitha, if you never let go, how can I catch you?" I then watched myself let go of the tree root and fall with fear through the black pit. For a moment there was less than nothing and there was the darkest dark you have ever seen. But then, below me, I started to see a light that kept getting brighter and as I fell into that light, a beautiful, cozy white blanket like net caught me ever so gently...
I came back to my senses standing at my car door in front of the taco shop (I find this part hilarious by the way, do you?) feeling like an hour had passed but knowing that only a minute had gone by. I waited until I had gotten the dang tacos and was driving back to my house. I pulled over once I was in my neighborhood and no one was around and I cried. It was such a good cleansing cry, releasing the fear, releasing the doubt from my soul. As my crying quieted I heard that intuitive voice one more time and it said, "You learned about courage when you went to Africa, but this was external courage. It's time to do Africa on the inside..."
I cried a little more but felt calm and peace racing through me as I realized that I had to learn to let go and trust even more. I had been practicing letting go and trusting since I went on my trip to Africa ( you can read more about my trip here: https://www.thedivinesophia.com/about-tabitha.html) but I was reaching my next level of success and I was afraid. It was time to let go even more, to trust even more so that I could help the amazing men and women that I Coach to do the same. What I have learned about letting go and trusting is that when we are able to do so, we are suddenly able to manifest the most amazing and beautiful things that we could imaging into our lives.
My clients often ask me, "when I let go a trust, who am I trusting?" Each person gets to decide this part. You're trusting yourself more, perhaps you're trusting in God/Universe/Spirit more depending on your beliefs. Whatever your beliefs may be, I pinky promise you that something magical, dare I say even something Divine, something serendipitous and synchronistic awaits all of us as we learn to let go of our illusion of control, and simply trust and believe that life really can be that good, that you can get everything your heart truly desires, and that there is never anything ever to actually be afraid of most of the time.
What would letting go and trusting mean to your life?
Tabitha :) xoxo
Tabitha enjoys living in Tucson, Arizona with her husband Jared, and her adorable doggies Shadow & Scooby. Stay tuned for Tabitha's upcoming book Serendipity in which she takes us through her time in Africa.